IT’s A MIRACLE!

March 6, 2015 | Laura Schoch | Featured

I’m not a big believer in many things.  Certainly not things that try to trick you into using their products – all of these disgusting shake diets – they don’t work. What really happens is that they taste so bad they you don’t want to drink them so you starve yourself – that’s not really losing weight.  The lotions that tone your cellulite. Cellulite can not be toned (trust me) but it can be tanned and it looks way better – so spray tan that fat!  And then there are those who think they will lose weight by exercising multiple times per day.  Well if that’s true then all the freak shows in my town who work out 2 times a day would weigh zero pounds right?

I started using Rodan and Fields skin care to get rid of my sun spots and tighten my skin. The reason I decided to try the REVERSE REGIMEN was because there was no risk, I could return the products after 60 days EMPTY if I was not satisfied.  That’s what I thought I’d do because I had tried everything and nothing worked and I’m not a believer.  BUT after 60 days the results were so great that instead of returning it, I decided to become a consultant!

before and after laura
Rodan and Fields just launched a new product called Acute Care.  The slogan is fill a wrinkle while you sleep and I wanted to see if that really worked.   You are supposed to use it for 2 weeks and the results last for 12 weeks but it says fill a wrinkle while you sleep.  So, I put them on and went to sleep.  Here are the real results after ONE USE.  Trust me if these pics were edited, I would have edited out my peach fuzz!

acute care smile acute care eye

The Acute Care Patches
use for 2 weeks and get 12 weeks of results
click here to order

acute_care

ANOTHER FAVORITE!
The Macro Exfoliator at home microdermabrasion tool – AWESOME!
click here to order

macro

UNSURE – but want to look younger?
If you are unsure what you want or need, just go to my online solution tool and we will make a recommendation for you!
click here to go to the solutions tool

solution-tool

Notes:
1. At checkout – you need to sign up to be a PC (preferred customer to get the 10% off, the free shipping and the FREE special gift from me:)
2. You can return empty products after 60 days for a full refund

 I KNOW YOU WILL LOVE IT!
GREAT GIRL’S GIFT too – don’t forget your pals.
Cheers – Laura

E-mail me if you have any questions OR if you are interested in joining my team - I am always looking for great people around the country . lpschoch@gmail.com

Comments Off

SOME NOT SO FUN THINGS

March 3, 2015 | Laura Schoch | Featured, MY 49 FOREVER TOUR

I am committed to making my 49th year funner.  I mean I already have a lot of fun but this year is going to be more than just my normal daily fun.   I probably have more fun than someone should at my old age, but that’s okay. When I die, I will be able to say, I SAID YES, I HAD FUN.  I refuse to let my numeric age get in the way of fun but there is that one thing that really puts a damper on your fun and that’s the obligatory COLONOSCOPY.  Yup that’s what I did today.  The whole experience is just the antithesis of FUN.

STEP 1: The day before
The lead in to this thing is just awful.  You know whats coming, you know what’s coming out – although I think you may be quite surprised.  It’s like a bomb waiting to explode – literally! Worse yet,  you can’t eat or drink alcohol the WHOLE day before.  Oh, I’m sorry you can have any kind of Jello that is not red, orange or purple which leaves… lemon lime – well that sounds good – the old lemon lime jello – best seller.  I’m convinced that Jello went to the docs and said “hey, no one likes lemon lime jello.  Can you please tell your patients that it’s the only kind that they can have.  We will give you a year supply of Jello if you do.”

STEP 2: The PREP
When you have a big glass of wine… you know that when you are done, you are going to feel really good and even better after the whole bottle. With this horrific tasting potion, you are drinking it knowing that you are going to be in hell when you are done – not a lot of incentive.   Here is a picture of it.

drink

Okay, let me get this straight.  We are sending a group of people to MARS (the planet) to set up a colony and they haven’t figured out a way to make a pill that cleans out your colon? I mean there is a pill that gives you an erection for 4 hours – REALLY? It can’t be that difficult.  Just an idea to any starving scientists out there – start working on this – SHARK TANK would eat it up!

STEP 3: Let’s Skip That Part
I’m pretty sure we all get the picture that what goes IN must come OUT.

STEP 4: The Procedure
Just awkward starting with the waiting room… “Hey what did you do last night?”  ”Well I was up shitting my brains out.. and You?”  Then off to meet the doctor who you kind of look at and go… hmm so you went to medical school and you could have been any number of doctor types – radiologist, derm or plastic surgeon and you choose this?  why? are you mentally stable? and are you going to laugh at my ass?  Then, the heavens open and  your dear, dear friend the anesthesiologist shows up and all is good and all is FUN again!

So my 49 forever continues – I know that I will have more fun to share in the coming months (and years… when I say forever, I mean it.)

CHEERS!

PS:
My favorite FUN story…  My college friend in an interview after grad school with a bitchy woman – the kind with a big corporate chip on her shoulder:
BITCH: ” So I see you did very well in graduate school but I’m concerned about your grades in undergrad.  What happened there?”
FRIEND: ” Well I had a lot of FUN in undergrad”
BITCH: ” HMMM, I had a lot of fun in undergrad too, but I still got good grades”
FRIEND: “Yeah, well I’m pretty sure I had more FUN”

HAVE MORE FUN

Comments Off

I HAD A DREAM

February 26, 2015 | Laura Schoch | Featured

Sorry I’m a bit late in my report on the Academy Awards – I just woke up.  It bored me into a deep sleep and I had a dream… a really bad one.  Bad jokes, soap box speeches from randoms, that guy from Grease caressing some little girl’s face, Dougie Houser M.D. in his underwear, something about Gweneth and Pepto Bismol and the worst part of all, my husband (in all dreams) Adam Levine left me for a really tall elf… WHY?

Behati-Prinsloo-2015-Academy-Awards-Red-Carpet-675x900

 

 

In summary.  The dresses were so-so.
Here are my categories for the 2015 Academy Awards…

ACCESSORIZERS (my own word TM)
margot robbieamazing necklace

kate blanchetGreat statement.

kerry earringslove those earrings

87th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivalslove hers too

faithI want it

BEST HAIRS (plural as though I’m still in Wisconsin)
zendayaVery cool and not traditional which is OKAY! Giulana Rancic made fun of her hair.
Dear Guliana,  frail little girls who live in teenie tiny glass houses should not throw stones that weigh more than they do!

HAIRS FAILED
laura dernIf I hold my head just so, I can see out of one eye.

faith 1Oh no! I know it will grow back but in the mean time – ewwww!

BEST TREND – PEARLS
lupitaAlso best at matching the backdrop- good planning!

WORST NECKLINE
julianne-moore-oscars-2015-red-carpetBut the color really pops against her skin!
Thought it was a snowman and someone went crazy with the coal eyes

BEST OLD FASHIONED HOOKER COSTUME
rosamund-pikeHer name is Marmi and she’s a lady of the night

OVERALL WORST
gaga
Gaga – here and just every single day- yeah she can sing and she somehow snagged this hottie because he is blind – I think or maybe I just assumed that.
taylor_kinney_lady_gaga_boyfriDude!  What are we missing?  Are you a complete loser in a hot guy’s body?

OVERALL WINNERS
margot robbie fullJust love head to toe!

87th Annual Academy Awards - ArrivalsDitto

 CHEERS – read it and laugh and pass it on!

Laura

P.S. i don’t know about you, but if I had tears rushing down my cheeks, and I knew I was on camera, I would probably wipe them on my Tux sleeve.  UNLESS… I wanted everyone to see me crying cause “hey, I’m not like the rest of these whities, I’m with you brothers. I’m so pissed that Selma got shut out.”  Chris Pine – “TRYHARD” – stay tuned for my next blog about TRYHARDS.
chris-pine-oscars1

Comments Off

SHOW US YOUR GLOBES!

January 12, 2015 | Laura Schoch | Featured

My overall thoughts for the GLOBES…

Clearly the “globes” were a big hit.  Jeremy Renner is getting criticized for cracking on JoLo about her cleavage – really?  Just because you can’t see the nipple – it’s still your entire BOOB!  A carrot anyone… Julianna? oh wait aliens don’t eat carrots I forgot.  Savannah and Matt – AWKWARD on the Red Carpet – like Mom and Dad at the prom.  Little House on The Prairie starring Kiera Knightly.  Violet is perfect for Easter Eggs – not hair- Kelly Osborne – we are way over it!  Amal – wow you seem like a TON O FUN – I want to party with you.  Kate Hudson – something WHITE trashy as usual.  Matthew – MOVEMBER is OVER- trim that thing back.  Katherine Heigl – you are not a happy person – I don’t think that oiling your chest is going to change that. Channing Tatum – bad gum chewing – you are way too cute for that (I’d still have sex with you FYI). Naomi – red lipstick is best on your lips – not your teeth- where is your handler when you need her?  Ryan Seacrest – job number 1,000… fashion designer for small men.

My Review…

WORST DRESSED CATEGORY:
kath zetaKatherine Zeta Jones
stuffing your bra on the outside of the dress doesn’t work

1421022858_keira-knightley-zoom

 Kiera Knightly
just jaw dropping in the what the fuck kind of way

gweneth Gweneth Paltrow
my Barbie like has the same dress and like I love bubblegum

rosamund pike Rosamund Pike
just had a baby 5 weeks ago – you don’t say!


WORST HAIR

Julianne Moore

Julianne Moore
I just ran out of time

kristen wiig

Kristen Wiig
 funny girl with laughable hair (still love you)


jennifer-aniston-golden-globes-2015Jennifer Aniston
I know… everyone wanted her hair – not anymore!

MY FAVORITES

Sienna-Miller-In-Miu-Miu-2015-Golden-Globe-AwardsSienna Miller
she rocks – love the hair – love the dress

Taylor SchillingTaylor Schilling
simply red

julia louisJulia Louis Dreyfus
a classic

jenna dewanJenna Dewan
love that yellow  - great hair and makeup too

dak-590x517Dakota Johnson
50 shades of fabulous

claire-danes-golden-globes-2015Clair Danes
Boho chic

Happy New Year – CHEERS!

Comments Off