“Back to school”. It used to be that back to school conjured up happy emotions. Fall fashion, the onset of cooler weather and changing colors, football games and getting your kids out of the house after a LOOOOONG summer. Back to school has a whole new meaning for me this year as I am packing up my oldest for his Freshman year of college. It sounds like a cliche to say “where did the time go?’ so I say, WHERE THE FUCK DID THE TIME GO?
It’s a roller coaster of emotions. On the one hand, I spend a lot of time in his room crying and looking at his little stuffed reindeer “Brownie” who seems to be looking right at me with these sad little eyes! And then (after lots of meds and alcohol) I am excited for him – he’s entering the best years of his life and I’m so anxious to see what he does with it. I do have this fear that I didn’t teach him everything he needs to know. So, I’m trying to cram all of life’s little tips into every conversation…”you know that you don’t put metal in the microwave right?”… “yes MOM!”… “and don’t EVER run with scissors in your hands?”… “MOOOOM!!!!”…Okay so just a few more quick things…open the door for girls, put your napkin in your lap, chew with mouth closed, look people in the eye, give a firm handshake, white thank you notes, bring a hostess gift, R.S.V.P., condoms (if you must), whites with whites and darks with darks, clean up after yourself, be honest, and for the love of God…put the toilet seat down!
Shopping for his dorm room has been fun. I think that school thought I was a bit crazy when after my 3rd call with questions I finally asked if they would go take pics of the room and text them to me. Um Ma’am we don’t do that. There is a Walmart in town so you can get any last minute things there. REALLY? that is exactly what I DO NOT want to do. If I end up in a Walmart in the middle of Indiana we are going to have some serious problems. As for his school clothes… usually when I ask what he needs for “back to school” he says “socks” – boys are so easy! This year he had some interesting requests – so I’ll clue you into the new lingo…
1. NOODIE (sweatshirt without hood = noodie)
2. FROCKET TEES (tees with a front pocket= frocket)
3. QZ ( sweater with a quarter zip neck =QZ)
4. BUTTON UP (same as a button down – a shirt that buttons up)
5. CHUBBIES (those God awful shorter shorts – guess where they got the name?)
So it kind of all boils down to this…the last week. Memories of all of the carpools and play dates and late night school projects and dances and successes and heart aches. My friendships made at the endless baseball games and room parent projects and Senior year Spring break got me though it all… and they will get me through this next chapter. We will be together drinking wine when we get back from the drop off and when our adult kids move back home and get jobs and get married and have babies and move away and THAT IS THE SILVER LINING … my amazing friends!
Enjoy the last days of summer. The time really does fly by.
check out my new favorite drink in FAVS
So it’s the highly anticipated LAURA’S TOP 10 BEST DRESSED FAMOUS WOMEN. But first I am going to reveal my TOP 10 MOST ANNOYING FEMALE VOICES on TV because I like to lead with a NEGATIVE…
So I don’t watch TV – but it’s on in the kitchen all day so I hear it. These are by far the most annoying voices in the entire WORLD (not exaggerating)
1. MARIA MENOUNOS
her voice make you want to punch her and did you ever hear her laugh?
I have no I idea what her last name is – she works with Billy Bush and every time she says his name (first and last) she screams it.
Plus she has some sort of southern thing going on – bad combo.
3. SOPHIA VERGARA
hey Sophia, you have been in AMERICA for A LONG TIME! Your heavy accent is so annoying. Since you are such a amazing actress (just ask you)
can’t you just do an American accent?
4.5.6. KIM, KHLOE and KITTEN or whatever the 3rd one’s name is.
You are only famous because of what? Oh yeah, your Dad was on the OJ trial? WOW that is something. You must be so proud of yourselves for being born. Your voices are as effected as you are – OMG – I KNOW!
7. JOAN RIVERS
is not funny and why she is to be trusted with giving people style tips??? Really? do you own a mirror? Well of course you do but can you SEE?
Do not do anything she says, obviously.
8. TERRI SEYMOUR – who?
She’s the one who has the british, squeaky, smoker voice and she does interviews for EXTRA- so painful. And she dated Simon Cowell – how did he not kill her?
9. KELLY RIPA
beyond annoying and you can’t get rid of her. She endorses thousands of products from tooth paste to appliances, jesus you just can’t shake her.
Which brings me to number 10…
10. MARTHA STEWART
from her voice, to her clothes to her drama…YUCK!
Hope you are enjoying your summer. Don’t go into Walgreens because you will panic that you don’t have your kid’s halloween outfits yet! TOO SOON literally!
Tis’ the season for Summer Sidewalk Sales! Also known as “My Weekend In Hell” when I owned my boutique. It’s a garage sale on steroids bringing out the worst merchandise and the worst people. The DEMANDAS with their dumb questions… “do you have any other sizes, colors?” REALLY? I have no idea – go look in that giant pile stuff on the sidewalk and see for yourself. And then comes making a decision.. “Does this look good? Is it too big? What do I wear this with” Um, it’s $10 – I’m making a NEGATIVE $50 on this thing so you don’t get my opinion. And don’t get me started on the the hagglers…
If you follow my blog you will know that I’m not a big sale shopper. I’m the one that AVOIDS Neiman’s Last Call – I actually got an e-mail when I was in Neiman’s saying – “mid-day sale starts now” – I left! Primarily because it’s messy and I buy stuff that I don’t need or like. Here is the dress that I bought ON SALE last summer. It’s Diane von Furstenberg who I love so what the heck – I’ll bet I can make it cuter if I have 4 inches taken off the bottom – make it like a preppy slutty mini dress.
Okay so it’s cute but it’s just so not me. It hangs in my closet and my other clothes are actually making fun of it! My Harley Davidson tee and shredded jeans won’t even look at it! So it’s a rescue dress – please save it! It’s a size 4, gets along well with kids, looking for a good home… e-mail me, you can have it!
If you want to take advantage of a good sale, it’s the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale – going on now in store and online. If you can get your act together for what your kids need for school, it’s a great time to get some of those staples checked off. Or those things that you know you need for fall. Not everything is on the up and up – they do bring in some No Name lines and I can assure you they are getting a HUGE mark up on them even though they are on sale. So, stick to name brands that you were going to buy anyway at full price.
The only weird thing about the Nordstrom sale is that they tent off (literally) areas that are for their exclusive shoppers and they only let you in if you are something special. Whatever! Just because I don’t use your Nordstrom credit card doesn’t mean that I don’t spend a fuck load of money here every year so don’t let me in – I don’t care – I’m claustrophobic anyway!
Happy Sale Shopping!
I’m pretty sure that if your magazine is called IN STYLE – it should be right? Clearly the editor gave a summer intern a bit too much slack with their “wear now, wear later” items (YIKES – I don’t think she will be getting the paying job after this one!) I typically go through fashion rags and clip and rip out looks that I love and things that inspire me. These inspired me to LAUGH out loud. If you are looking for some fall fashion items to wear now and into fall – THESE ARE NOT THEM. I can assure you that these looks are not IN STYLE or if by some chance they are, still do not do this because really FUGLY!
Not only are the pieces bad – they are styled with an odd selection of accessories that do not work at all!
Enjoy your summer dresses and flip flops – we will worry about fall later.