MY FALL

October 13, 2014 | Laura Schoch | Featured

“I have something to tell you”  Whenever someone says that it brings back a horrible memory.  I was 25 living in the city and I had a HOT doctor who was probably 30 but I didn’t mind because he was GAY.  I mean he never said that he was but I have amazing GAYDAR and my antennas were up on this one.  So I felt perfectly comfortable telling him embarrassing medical things and letting him push on my intestines telling me that they were “full”.

So I’m in for a routine physical and here it comes, “I have something to tell you”. Jesus that is the last thing you want to hear from your doctor but he was smiling so I realized – oh, he is going to tell me that he is Gay. Really? you don’t need to tell me but go ahead it’s fine.  He continues,  ”I’m engaged!” Oh, I was not expecting that. I’m hoping to a guy??? Nope not a guy, a hot girl and I’m sure he told her about me…my full intestines and my panic attacks and oh God he did a pap smear – AWKWARD (for a 25 year old) and that was the last time I went to that doctor!

Anyway… I have something to tell you and I am pretty sure this is going to be a big surprise.  I HAVE TOO MANY CLOTHES.   Yes I am coming out of the closet (closetS as in multiple if I’m being very honest) after cleaning them out today and it’s true – way too much.  (I can actually hear my husband’s tears rolling down his face right now).  I think this is why I’m not that intrigued by fall fashion… what could they possibly come up with that I don’t already have?

So this fall I’m going to scoop up some investment pieces (don’t worry honey they are investments and the ROI for you will be good – trust me) Jewelry, bags and shoes.  Plus I’m going to get some great trends that I love.  Here is my list of must haves for fall:

CHUNKY KNITS – Banjo and Matilda cashmere – I’m obsessed
chunky knot

PLAID – Equipment blouses are the best
equipment

GEOMETRIC – Diane Von Furstenberg – who else?
dvf

HEAVY METAL – Gucci – the perfect pump with a bit of bling
gucci rev

FUR and LEATHER – hate to toot my own horn but…
my business Mountain Hides – amazing furs and leather – check out our Urban Pop Up

urban pop up

 

Cheers to Fall!

 

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GIFT WITH PURCHASE

October 1, 2014 | Laura Schoch | Featured

Some people love free shit – they don’t care what it is- if it’s free it’s they will take one (and ask for another one for their “sister” who couldn’t come because she was in a “car accident”).  I think if it’s free there must be something wrong with it.  For example “free kittens” – yeah they are cute now but they will grow up to be freaky CATS – so no thank you – I’ll take a pass.  My point is, I’m not going to buy something JUST to get the free gift unless the free gift is also something I was going to buy which it NEVER is.

Neiman Marcus last week… I found somethings that I wanted and the sales gal could not be more excited to show me the FREE gift…

cusp braceletsWay to be right on top of the latest fashion trend Neimans.  WOW beaded bracelets -what a great idea.  Maybe we could collect a bunch and “stack” them together.  Thanks but I already have 1000 of them so I really don’t want them – give them to someone who has been living under a rock for the  last 5 years.  Then I proceed to get my perfume and guess what – it’s my lucky day another fabulous gift…
beauty eventA neat color block PURSE – who the hell do you think will carry this around?  NO ONE thats who.  How about a cute little makeup bag or candle or a famous Neiman Marcus chocolate chip cookie OR just take the $3 you paid for this off of my purchase.

When I got home I was pleasantly surprised by the products inside and I am actually going to buy a couple.  Loved the Burberry perfume and the Glam Glow mud mask.  So good job on the good samples – skip the embarrassing to carry out of the store handbag and give me a damn cookie!

One other note about FREE STUFF…
Stay away from Costco during the lunch hour. It’s disgusting – people milling about with their EMPTY carts eating the free food – and P.S. most don’t look like they need any extra food- free or otherwise!

I owe you my Fall Forecast (next blog) I’m not inspired by FALL fashion – searching and collecting …stay tuned…

CHEERS!

 

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THE OLD GRAY MARE

August 26, 2014 | Laura Schoch | Featured

daytimer

More and more I notice that I am a bit self conscious about lugging my Day Timer (the old gray mare) out of my huge bag to schedule meetings, lunch with pals or hair appointments. You people with the giant desk calendars know what I mean except you can’t schedule anything because your life is at home on your desk.  ICAL – no thank you.  I’m a list gal.  I love to write lists, rewrite lists and CHECK SHIT OFF! My daily list starts with 1. wake up so BAM! within the first second of my day I’ve accomplished something – CHECK!  Shower, eat, get dressed…check,check,check.  I am on a roll and its only 7 am!

When I call Day Timer to get my new calendar pages each year, they answer the phone “hi Laura, we’ve been waiting for your call since you are our only remaining customer!”  I know, I’m a dinosaur but people who know me know that I have a system and my system works for me.

Some of my tips for staying organized….

1. DOUBLE DOWN
I write to do’s/events/follow ups in my Day Timer then each day I transfer those things to a piece of paper that I fold in half because lists need to travel with you.  My grocery list goes onto a sticky note that I stick on my daily list.  Then, I only bring the sticky note in with me because if I lose my traveling list I am screwed!

2. CIRCLE BACK
If I leave a message for someone or send an e-mail, I put a follow up on may calendar for 2 days later. In the event that they do not get back to me – I can get back to them.  Another pet peeve (old assistant of mine) – ” Well I left them a message 2 weeks ago and they never got back to me!”  Well dumb bell – maybe a follow up call is in order. Don’t check it off the list until it’s completely completed!

3. ONLINE ORDERS
I have a separate e-mail I use for on-line orders so that I don’t get bogged down with all their annoying e-mails which I said I didn’t want when I made the purchase! I also print the confirmation and put it in a folder so that I watch to make sure it comes.  YES I order that much on line that I need to do this.  I have actually forgotten about things I ordered and never got them.  Yes I have a problem.

4. DELEGATE
Delegating is okay but you need to keep it on your list to make sure it gets done. Your 16 may not do EVERYTHING (even though they say they did) Like depositing the check I gave her 2 weeks ago and found on the floor of the car.

5. R.S.V.P
Right when you get the invite – just respond.  Then note on the invite that you did and you won’t have to think about it again.  Of course you then note it in your calendar AND put in a reminder to get a great hostess gift 3 days before the event.

O.C.D. you say?  Probably BUT I don’t forget shit.  I don’t leave things to chance and consequently my crazy life seems manageable and I don’t have to make stupid excuses why I am constantly missing things and late and running around like a crazy woman. Unorganized people drive me to drink (like most things) and somehow their disorganization always creeps into my world – UGH.  And P.S. it makes them seem like a huge DING BATS!

Get it together people. It’s a new school year – Get organized!

CHEERS

 

Other pages to note:
Spa Water – love it – checkout my FAVS

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BACK TO SCHOOL

August 14, 2014 | Laura Schoch | Featured

“Back to school”.   It used to be that back to school conjured up happy emotions.  Fall fashion, the onset of cooler weather and changing colors, football games and getting your kids out of the house after a LOOOOONG summer.  Back to school has a whole new meaning for me this year as I am packing up my oldest for his Freshman year of college.  It sounds like a cliche to say “where did the time go?’  so I say, WHERE THE FUCK DID THE TIME GO?

It’s a roller coaster of emotions.  On the one hand, I spend a lot of time in his room crying and looking at his little stuffed reindeer “Brownie” who seems to be looking right at me with these sad little eyes!  And then (after lots of meds and alcohol) I am excited for him – he’s entering the best years of his life and I’m so anxious to see what he does with it.  I do have this fear that I didn’t teach him everything he needs to know. So, I’m trying to cram all of life’s little tips into every conversation…”you know that you don’t put metal in the microwave right?”… “yes MOM!”… “and don’t EVER run with scissors in your hands?”… “MOOOOM!!!!”…Okay so just a few more quick things…open the door for girls, put your napkin in your lap, chew with mouth closed, look people in the eye, give a firm handshake, white thank you notes, bring a hostess gift, R.S.V.P., condoms (if you must), whites with whites and darks with darks, clean up after yourself, be honest, and for the love of God…put the toilet seat down!

Shopping for his dorm room has been fun.  I think that school thought I was a bit crazy when after my 3rd call with questions I finally asked if they would go take pics of the room and text them to me.  Um Ma’am we don’t do that.  There is a Walmart in town so you can get any last minute things there.  REALLY?  that is exactly what I DO NOT want to do.  If I end up in a Walmart in the middle of Indiana we are going to have some serious problems.  As for his school clothes… usually when I ask what he needs for “back to school” he says “socks” – boys are so easy! This year he had some interesting requests – so I’ll clue you into the new lingo…

1. NOODIE (sweatshirt without hood = noodie)
2. FROCKET TEES (tees with a front pocket= frocket)
3. QZ ( sweater with a quarter zip neck =QZ)
4. BUTTON UP (same as a button down – a shirt that buttons up)
5. CHUBBIES (those God awful shorter shorts – guess where they got the name?)

So it kind of all boils down to this…the last week.  Memories of all of the carpools and play dates and  late night school projects and dances and successes and heart aches.  My friendships made at the endless baseball games and room parent projects and Senior year Spring break got me though it all… and they will get me through this next chapter. We will be together drinking wine when we get back from the drop off and when our adult kids move back home and get jobs and get married and have babies and move away and THAT IS THE SILVER LINING … my amazing friends!

Enjoy the last days of summer.  The time really does fly by.

 

 

 

check out my new favorite drink in FAVS

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