My overall thoughts for the GLOBES…
Clearly the “globes” were a big hit. Jeremy Renner is getting criticized for cracking on JoLo about her cleavage – really? Just because you can’t see the nipple – it’s still your entire BOOB! A carrot anyone… Julianna? oh wait aliens don’t eat carrots I forgot. Savannah and Matt – AWKWARD on the Red Carpet – like Mom and Dad at the prom. Little House on The Prairie starring Kiera Knightly. Violet is perfect for Easter Eggs – not hair- Kelly Osborne – we are way over it! Amal – wow you seem like a TON O FUN – I want to party with you. Kate Hudson – something WHITE trashy as usual. Matthew – MOVEMBER is OVER- trim that thing back. Katherine Heigl – you are not a happy person – I don’t think that oiling your chest is going to change that. Channing Tatum – bad gum chewing – you are way too cute for that (I’d still have sex with you FYI). Naomi – red lipstick is best on your lips – not your teeth- where is your handler when you need her? Ryan Seacrest – job number 1,000… fashion designer for small men.
just jaw dropping in the what the fuck kind of way
I just ran out of time
funny girl with laughable hair (still love you)
Happy New Year – CHEERS!
When I first moved to the burbs I was invited to a holiday lunch – I did not know what to expect. First off, what to wear?? Well, we will ALL be coming from work so I put on my cutest black pant suit and kicked it up with a little scarf around the neck (think flight attendant). I show up, hostess gift in toe and what I walked into was really something! Lots of ladies milling about drinking tea and wearing Christmas sweaters (not as a joke!) I soon realized that no one worked which hmmm okay that can be a good thing – bring on the cocktails… I had a feeling I was going to need ALOT to get through this afternoon. After lunch we were directed into the living room which had been turned into a stage area and I prayed that we were not going to have to sit through some children’s play or sing Christmas carols or introduce ourselves and reflect on the year. Hoping that my beeper would go off with some work emergency, I took my spot in the front row because the back row was full of those who had been to this before. Imagine my surprise when a woman appeared in colonial attire and proceeded to give a singing book review. Okay people, is this some sort of initiation into suburbia? Am I on candid camera?
Women like like to gather. They make elaborate plans to find a way to get together and drink without feeling guilty. Guys just say “hey dudes, let’s go have beers!” No formal invite, no elaborate plan, no never ending group texts, no what are you wearing, no hostess gifts – they all show up drink some beer, talk about sports and call it a night. Women have to make shit up like “book club”, “bunco”, whatever that other bunco thing is that people talk about as though you know what it is – Mahjong? Why do you think that everyone has heard of this game? Poker yes. Mahjong – Nope! Then there are the real trouble makers with their “bible study”, “knitting club” and “play group” – I do not want to know what goes on at those.
Oddly, I have never been invited to ANY of the above gatherings – RUDE! But this year, I was invited to a cookie exchange. FYI there are rules to these exchanges and you do not want to fuck up or you will be taken off the invite list. One women didn’t get the concept so she was sampling all of the cookies – she’s a Cookie Rookie. Then there are the No Bakey, No Takey (they show up with NO cookies cause they are super duper busy!) I mean I can understand that person if you don’t have an oven or if you just got out of the hospital but really you can’t make some cookies and at least pretend that you are there to do something other than drink? I have 12 jobs and have been hungover since…(I’m not sure of the exact date but sometime in 2012) and I managed to throw something together – shameful! I left before everyone got drunk and started eating bites of cookies and then putting them back … but I heard who did it!
Enjoy the holidays! Thanks for all of the positive feedback on the blog.
Cheers to 2015!
The season of gift shopping is upon us and with it comes a few of my all time worst pet peeves… The first, “You are so hard to buy for” (in a extremely annoying whinny voice) what I hear you saying is this this, “I am lazy and I don’t feel like spending 1 minute thinking of a gift to get you.” And then you are going to complain to ME about how hard it is on YOU to shop for ME! I would really prefer NOT getting a gift from you because it’s going to suck.
The grandparents are classic for this one. ”I don’t know what to get your kids” so they start bugging me to do their shopping after I am ALL done with mine. REALLY? You don’t have time in between napping, eating and whatever else you do in your 24 HOUR day? Here’s a little secret, kids have very detailed Christmas lists. Call them up and ask them what they want, go buy it and wrap it up. What’s so difficult? I had my kids sign up for christmaswishlist.net – it’s great – like a wedding registry. They load in things they want and the buyer just has to click on the link and order it.
The other pet peeve are the ingrates. You know, those who don’t acknowledge the gifts they got from you. No thank you note, no call, not even a quick text. This year I am taking those people OFF of my Christmas giving list. I don’t care that it’s not in the spirit of Christmas because we all know what the true meaning of Christmas is… The birth of Jesus. I may just send them this hat I bought… as a joke of course.
I enjoy shopping for people. I love to find a creative or thoughtful gift. Here are a few out of the box gift ideas…
1. Have your kids burn a fun playlist for the grandparents with some current music (that they would like). They can play it in their car on the way to Costco for lunch.
2. IPHOTO photo book – you can make a great coffee table book with pictures of the family. It’s very easy to do and is better than a scrap book!
3. The gift of scent. Giving perfume is difficult because it is so personal. So go to Neimans and get a bunch of samples and a gift card. They can try the scents and then go buy the one they like best!
4. College kids love to eat! Get them a gift card to a great restaurant in their college town – they can treat a friend.
5. Got a live music fan? Ticketmaster has gift cards ! They can also be used for sporting events!
Happy Holidays – CHEERS!
If you are interested in a great gift for yourself…. CLICK HERE
This is MY FRONT yard. My husband collects these embarrassing things to fuck with me. I begged him not to put this out this year. I bribed him with lots of things (yes that) and also (THAT) – nothing worked. He is Clark W. Griswold and for better or for worse he is all mine.
The silver lining is that I first started blogging when I was forced to go on the family RV trip to hell. If you missed me from the beginning, I click the link and be THANKFUL that you did not have to go on this trip. CLICK HERE FOR TRIP TO HELL and read all of the July posts.
Happy Thanksgiving. I’m thankful that you keep reading and forwarding on!
P.S. I’m hosting 35 for Thanksgiving dinner. Some great potential blogs could be brewing especially if a certain someone shows up in their CROCS!